Intro
In my years of life I have learned one important thing. I am my own teacher. Yes, the day I asked my dad to give me an advice, he told me that I will learn by myself. He was right. Even though I would've also liked real advice to not make so many mistakes. But hey, I learned from them.
The thing is, whether we talk about life, love or your career, you will end up learning from your mistakes. That is just how life is. Even if you try as hard to not make mistakes, you will eventually fail. Even if you try to avoid the mistakes others have made, you will make your own mistakes.
I want you to think about your parents, would you like to be like your dad, or mom? If the answer is no, then you know damn well what I am trying to say.
Role Model
We as people, we need a role model. Someone we could follow and admire. But there is a big problem, no one is perfect. If you propose yourself to be like someone else, with their good traits and bad traits, you then become a simple fanatic.
The moment I realized that there was probably no one I could just look and think "this person is so cool, I want to be like them", it was over. I had to create my own role model.
I read somewhere, that the best thing to do when you want to change in personality, you need to think what will the person you admire would do? And act accordingly to that idea. The problem for me was, I really have no one I admire.
But isn't this normal? Like I said, no one is perfect, meaning at the end of the day, if you have enough intellectual independence, you will have to separate the good traits from the bad traits. But how do you even do that?
Moral Rules
That is a big question, we would have to define what are bad traits and what are good traits are. But defining them would imply that morals are objective. Therefore morals would be something one could learn, something with a real, definitive truth to it. Isn't that scary?
But no worries, you don't have to know all the rules of morality to know how to act as a decent person. In fact you only need one rule:
Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law – Immanuel Kant
What? In normal words, it means "Treat others how you like to be treated". Or in my favorite way to say it "I don't piss in your shoes just like I wouldn't like you to piss on mine".
Imagine someone says a lie to you, and you think "I wouldn't like to be lied at", then you can consider it a bad trait. But wait? Isn't this rule subjective to the person's point of view and their already moral code of their culture/believe they already have from before?
Yes. So? I am wasting your time reading this? I want to believe I am not, my friend.
Creating your Role Model
The best way to create your own role model, the person who will help you teach yourself in how to act in every situation in this life. Is to think in your future. What type of person you want to be? Take a list of objectively good traits, like being humble, intelligent, charismatic, confident, determined, etc. Forget about the bad traits. The future you is someone without bad traits. Everytime you are in a situation where you don't know what to do, I want you to think what this person with all these characteristics would do, taking in mind this person is you (of the future). What would the person you want to be do, that will eventually make them the person they are?
Just to give an example, I was in a situationship where my value was constantly getting overlooked. There was a point where I had to either choose to stay or to leave them. The future me, he is in a nice place with the girl of his dreams in his house, playing videogames with him, with not a single insecurity. He is living his best life knowing for a fact, that the girl he has, loves him and he loves her the same or even more. That guy, told me I shouldn't be nor stay with someone who doesn't give me clarity, the girl he is with now, wouldn't and have never done that. So why would I stay there? If all I get is anxiety and unhappiness.
You see how this works? The future you talks to you, they are where you wanna be. Never heard the saying, "never listen to the advice of people who are not where you want to be"?
Conclusion
Life is at the end of the day a game, a game you will eventually learn how to play. And not necessarily by imitating others, but instead through your own experiences and goals. I ended up getting into this conclusion by myself, I don't want take away credit from all the people that have influenced me in the past, but there was at some point where everyone seemed so similar in so many traits, good and bad, and none of them satisfied me enough to follow. This also applies to me of course, just like everyone else, I have good and bad traits, but I am learning and, in fact, shaping my own way to become the person I want to be. However, now I believe the unsatisfaction might be due to a lack of connection. But that's a story for another time.
So, if this post is not as clear as I planned it to be (I am still new to this type of posts). You will inevitably self-taught yourself to how to live life. No amount of observations and imitation will save you from making your own mistakes, it depends on you and your personal judgement that will make you the person you are. Stop chasing who you want to be like, and start thinking about who you want to become, be your own fan. Admire yourself - but not just because. With some reason, please. Your future self will thank you.
Thank you for reading :)
Don't be a coconut...